..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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