Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
