Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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