my vag is so smooth its legendary
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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