Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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