please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize