I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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