i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
