drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
