I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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