My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
