Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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