I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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