How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i believe in u and ur pee
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize