You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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