She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
