Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
