i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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