Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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