I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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