just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
