So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He passed out mid-signature
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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