I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
