so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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