thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
