when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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