I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dignity is for republicans.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
