We're facebook friends in real life
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
