3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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