she woke up with a sticky ear
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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