Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
