the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
pop tarts are not kleenex
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
