There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize