What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
