that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
