Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
