You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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