my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize