I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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