Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
