its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
