Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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