The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
