my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
