Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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