Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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