She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
