Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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