She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
