Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
