I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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