Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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