She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize