One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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