Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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