All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
