New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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