I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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