True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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