hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
bring money and cleavage
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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