you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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