I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
